Just Another Day in Lagos

My head nods at an odd angle… I am fast asleep in the BRT bus. I have had the most testing day ever; three interviews back to back, wish I could say they were all hits though (lol). In my slumber I faintly hear the Muslim call to prayer “Allauakbar Allauakbar”… Woow! I heard this same call to prayer when I was leaving home this morning. The reality of my day suddenly takes a new toll on me.

Then I am jolted awake with the harsh voice that comes afterwards
“OPEN THAT BAG!!!”
“I say you must open the bag!!”
My eyes try to focus on the scene playing out in front of me. Amongst the passengers standing, there is a man carrying a knapsack which apparently is where the call to prayer is coming from. The man shouting and screaming is directly behind him. “You must open the bag he repeats”. This is exactly how they behave, they shout Allauakbar then murder everyone with a bomb. God will not allow you succeed today ehen so it is true, boko haram has found its way to Lagos. Your plan is to blow all of us up. Mr man you aren’t deaf, open the bag”.

The knapsack carrying man finally loses his control and screams back “my bag is my personal property and I refuse to oblige your request”.

By now the scene is closely watched by everyone and the tension is palpable, you can see the questioning looks on people’s faces, is he really a member of boko haram? Someone shouts from the back “oga if you have nothing to hide you sef open your bag”. The accuser glad to find a supporter quickly agrees “oho my brother thank you, thank you very much, you know this is their modus operandi… Look for a crowded place and blow up as many people as they can shouting that thing coming out of his bag. My God will not allow you today”.

The accused replies, “ehen so you believe in God. Then you should also believe that whatever will kill you is ordained by God, if you would die from a bomb blast then God is aware and you will not die by a car crash… It is Destiny”.

I smile to myself because that is the most inappropriate  answer to give a Christian, to say something negative happening is ordained by God and my smile turns to a grin when this infuriates most of the passengers “which kain talk be that, oga open the bag and leave trash for LAWMA”. At this point 90% of the passengers are now actively involved in the showdown and the call to prayer is still coming from the bag. I belong to the 10% simply watching to see how the drama plays out.

I take a good look at the accused, he’s wearing the ankle length trousers generally linked with “fanatical Muslims”. He is also wearing a moderate beard but since beard gang is the in-thing that doesn’t really matter. He speaks good English with a Nigerian accent I can’t place. I am 95% sure this is just unnecessary drama but the 5% wonders if maybe this is the last scene I may ever witness before I blow up.

By now the tension is palpable…

In frustration, the accused shouts in Yoruba “kini gbo gbo eleyi abi iru wahala wo le leyi” which is loosely translated “what is all this, what manner of trouble is this”, so because I put an app on my phone that tells me when it is time to pray I am now a suspect. May God help us all”.

At the sound of the Yoruba language there is an immediate ease of tension that is laughable.
The accuser replies in Yoruba with a pat on the man’s shoulder “haa egbon mi o mo pe omo yoruba ni yin. Ki lode ti e so ro la te kaan?” Meaning “haa I did not know you were Yoruba why didn’t you say that since?”

This makes almost everyone laugh in the bus. Religion and tribalism are major issues in this part of the world.

An igbo man immediately takes this up. “Has he opened the bag?” He says. So because he has spoken your language everything is well and fine. The accuser replies “but we all know boko haram is Hausa”. I just shake my head, so if he were Hausa the drama would have dragged on irrespective of the man’s innocence or guilt.

More people laugh and everything is turned into a joke… We have a knack for doing that.

I smile to myself, rest my head on the side of the bus and close my eyes…this is just another day in Lagos.